How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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