You just made me feel so damn special
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
