so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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