so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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