An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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