She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
