Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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