i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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