did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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