Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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