I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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