If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
