I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
