I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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