It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
