i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
