Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION