Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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