i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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