oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
