I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
