I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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