we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
