i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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