She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
