I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
