'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
