Soap is not a condiment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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