I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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