i already hear my dad disowning me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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