yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
