sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
