He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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