So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
