i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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