Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
