i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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