I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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