I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
