The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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