Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
