We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
