Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
