Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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