actually, I'm a sock model
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Fuck appropriateness.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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