my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
