he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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