the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
