I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
