She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
