you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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