i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
