I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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