Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
