Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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