you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
