she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
