Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
