i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
