Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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