Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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