God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
