i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
