you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
