She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
