we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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