It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
