does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so let's talk penis.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
