I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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