my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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