i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
